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#259096 - 12/13/15 06:16 AM Broken-Hearted  
Joined: Aug 2015
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ashleyannie Offline
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ashleyannie  Offline
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http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z77/DannyPhan6756/186_zpspijrfd4o.jpg

Hey everyone. I know I don't post here often, and I'm sorry for that (grad school has kept me incredibly busy), but I just had to share the news with someone. As I've shared before, I was the proud owner of two cockatiels, Sophie and Cricket. Sophie, while I loved her to death, always had health problems; she couldn't grow a tail, and even when she did she would pluck it out. If you took her out of the cage, she'd get scared and run straight into the nearest wall (we had to be extremely careful with her). She had a terrible habit of injuring herself by flailing around in her cage, and she was entirely incapable of laying eggs. Regardless of all of this, I loved her unconditionally, and treated her with as much love and care as I possibly could during her short life.

Yesterday, I went to uncover her cage and found her matted and bloody, her side picked raw and her beak covered in dried blood. Horrified, I rushed her to the vet, where they discovered she'd burst a blood feather overnight and had only survived because the blood had clotted. They bandaged her, gave me an antibiotic spray, and sent me home with her. She seemed to be doing well, so I went to sleep confident she would be okay. This morning, I took her to get her bandages taken off, but when I got home, the blood feather had re-opened and she was bleeding everywhere. I quickly tried to bandage her and rushed her back to the vet, where they re-applied a professional bandage.

But she was worn out, and the blood loss had taken its toll on her. Because I've slept terribly the last couple of nights, I decided to take a nap, leaving her in a quarantined carrier with food and water to rest. When I woke up and went to check on her, she felt cold and wasn't moving. I was devastated; how could I have slept through the death of my own pet? I tried my hardest to save her, but I guess it just wasn't enough. Even though I know I did all I could, I can't help the guilt I feel. If I'd only found her sooner that morning, if I'd gotten her back to the vet quicker, if they hadn't taken her bandage off, would she still be here? I might never know, but I do know that I'll always miss her, and I hope she's flying freely up in cockatiel heaven. She deserved so much more than what she got, and I thank God that she's free of pain now.

I apologize for popping out of nowhere, but I had to share my pain, and I knew everyone here would understand. Rest in peace, little Sophie. I will always love you, and I'm so, so sorry I failed you.

Last edited by BE2Cassie; 12/13/15 02:47 PM. Reason: Links only please to photos, thank you
#259097 - 12/13/15 10:36 AM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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Elliott Offline
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Stop, you did not fail her. This happens and you really have no control over the outcome. Sophia is flying free and whole and telling all her new friends how much you did for her and she loves you.

#259098 - 12/13/15 02:48 PM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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BE2Cassie Offline
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I'm very sorry for your loss, Sophia was beautiful.


Nancy & Cassie BE2
#259099 - 12/13/15 10:39 PM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: BE2Cassie]  
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cry cry cry I'm so sorry for your loss. Those lady cockatiels will break your heart. They are so special.
All our birdies deserve more, but we do the best we can.
It's good that you have such a heart... feel better...
I hope sharing the hurt will help. Many people will shed tears for your baby girl, too.
Love should matter...

Last edited by Birdfriend; 12/13/15 10:42 PM.

alias: Birdfriend2 and Birdfreind2, re-registered to correct spelling!

original member #148, 255 total posts
#259100 - 12/14/15 05:54 AM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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I agree, you didn't fail Sophie in any manner. It seems she had a great life with you. Many of us have lost birds and it is never easy. I'm glad you posted because we can share your grief where many others cannot. Cricket will probably grieve with you. I'm very sorry.

#259101 - 12/14/15 07:44 AM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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ashleyannie Offline
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ashleyannie  Offline
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Kentucky
Thank you all for the kind words; I really appreciate it. I think the worst part is not knowing whether or not I made the right decision. She was doing fine up until I took her to the vet, and I'd hate to think that I traumatized her to death. Her last moments should have been spent in her familiar cage with her friend Cricket, not alone and scared to death in a pet carrier. I feel so guilty knowing she died alone, and she looked absolutely awful lying there. So frail and ratty and bloody. I feel like the world's worst bird owner for putting her through this. I wish I could've saved her.

#259105 - 12/16/15 04:03 AM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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I'm so sorry. When they pass it's hard not to blame ourselves, I'm guilty of feeling the same way when I've lost one. I know better but I'm still guilty of it. Hang in there, in time the pain will lessen, and so will the guilt.


Birds are angels who lift us up when our own wings forget how to fly.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has!" ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~

Noelle, A Rehabilitation in Progress
#259115 - 12/18/15 05:11 AM Re: Broken-Hearted [Re: ashleyannie]  
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You did everything you could for her. She knew you loved her very much. I'm so sorry for your loss


Moderated by  BE2Cassie, Beeps, EchosMom, Janny 

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