I need help, I am admitting it...

To make a long story short, my relationship has been bad for the past 5 years, we have a 8yr old daughter together, have been together for 21 years, have the house together, but we were never married. He is refusing to buy me out, and the market sucks to try and sell. We are considered co-owners of the property.
I can not stay here with him any longer, the mental and verbal abuse in front of my daughter I will no longer tolerate.

I am flat broke, depending on the house to sell to start over for my daughter and I.

I need to rehome all my animals...Birds, and dogs. My only choice is to move in with my sister that has no room for any of our animals, and barely enough room for my daughter and I.

I have asked everyone I know to take them in, no one wants any of them. I guess I complained about their silly little stunts to much and now no one wants to take them in even temporarily.

I refuse to take them to a shelter and I do not want to go thru the painful process to screen anyone, I have no energy left in me.

Can anyone suggest anything here? I am emotionally drained, can not focus, can not think, and I am trying to keep my face smiling for my daughters sake, knowing her life is going to change over this as well..

I would appreciate any advice you can give me on both rehoming my animals and legal advice thru this painful process..

Thank You!

(I need to rehome 1 M2, 2 U2's, 1 RB2, 1 tiel, 1 INR, and 3 parakeets, also 1 Great Dane, maybe 1 German Shephard, not sure if he will be taking the Shephard with him or not, though he is not suitable to handle a dog either)

Ohh Tammy,
Have never met you (even online before) but is there any chance that your need for homes could be temporary?!? If we could foster your flock out till you are back on your feet, would that work????
I am in Maine but am sure that I can help some.
What is the time frame? Can you stay in the house? In Maine, sicne you have the child, you would get the house...
Best~
Tania

I have had contradicting stories from 3 different attorneys.
The most important is since we were never married I have sole custody of our daughter. However we are considered Co owners Joint tenancy on the title and I can not force him to leave.

Due to the constant verbal abuse I am just leaving to stop it in front of my daughter.

I can not say if it will be short term or long term since I can not predict how long before the house sells. I am hoping short term but the real estate market is not that great here.

In 2007 our home was appraised at 369,900 now it is down to $245,000, I do not want to lose this much but have no choice, I want and need out now for my sanity and my childs.

Deep breaths Tammy. I am very sorry you are going through this but you do need to slow down just a bit and decide what it is you need for your birds - short term fostering, long term fostering or adoption. I say this because it is difficult for people to offer help without knowing fully what they are getting into. Like Rukesmom - she can foster for you, but she may not be in the position to keep them permanently? Are you in a position to assist with the cost of transportation and support/vetting for them? These are things people would need to know. Do their cages go with them? Have they been vetted recently?

I am also curious as to why a reputable rescue is out of the question? A good one will at least screen and be sure that the birds are placed in a good home for you. Are any of these birds bonded to one another??

I know that you are going through an awful time right now and of course we will do all we can, but like I said - deep breaths. The decisions you make today will affect the future of you and your birds.

My comments and questions here are solely for your and your beloved pets welfare, not intended to be insulting. You are in a tough position, no doubt, but 21 years is a very long time and I wonder if either of you wants to go the extra mile to preserve the relationship. If so, have you considered couples therapy or individual counseling? Even if you are the only one to seek counseling, there are ways that you can alter his behavior by altering your own. Also there may be ways you can stick it out until your house sells. After all, it is not physical abuse apparently and you do not seem to be in any danger. Not suggesting that this is your fault but there are effective techniques that you can learn. Also, have you thoroughly explored the possibility of financial assistance? Food stamps, housing, etc.? Perhaps a woman's abuse shelter or program could help or advise you in this regard.

Tammy,

I thought it was considered common marriage if you live together for 7 years. I would think that legally your case would be considered from that point of view. Do you know anyone who got divorced who had a good lawyer...word of mouth is usually the best way to go with that profession, I have been told.

We wish you, your daughter and your feathered and furry friends the very best.

Common law does not exist in illinois..I wish it did.

I can not say if it is short term or long term for my birds and dog, if and when the house sells I plan on putting my share down on a townhouse since I will not be able to upkeep a house.
Untill this house sells and I get my share I ahve nothing to provide a home for my daughter and I.

The reason I do not want to put my birds in a shelter is because I have been behind the scenes with some of them, I can not discuss in detail here, not sure if any will recognize me and read what I think of them.

As for counseling for our relationship, he refuses and I have no more ambition to try to resolve our issues. In 2007 is when it all started, I beleive he has been unfaithful, has lied about his whereabouts and is into drugs..I have tried for the past 2 years to resolve our issues for our daughters sake, needless to say there is no respect, no trust, nothing is left..His verbal abuse, swearing, yelling, ridicule, is un neccessary in front of a 8 year old child, especially when it is in the late or early morning hiurs, and I mean it could start at 2 am and he will wake everyone up if he is in a mood even if I am sound asleep.

Friends and family have witnessed this change in him as well and they are supporting me to leave this situation for my and my daughters sanity.

Unfortunately it is a mess. We did sign the contract today to list the house, and I was considering moving to my sisters in the next week or 2.

OK, now I am completely humiliated to have shared all this, but I am doing it to find a good loving home for my birds. I am thinking I need to rehome them permanently since I can not predict how long before I have my own home, maybe stay in touch with the new owners and possibly get them back when the time is right, but I feel that is unfair to everyone involved.

So sorry....been there, done that, wasn't fun. Drugs can ruin a relationship & destroy your family.

Unless he realizes he has a problem there is not much you can do.
Living with a druggie would be unacceptable to me also. I feel so badly for you but you have to believe that it will all work out in time. I would be happy to foster one or two of your birds but just can't figure out a way you could get them to me. Does any one have any ideas?

As far as relocating the birds there are a couple of options.

a) Driving to meet one another

b) A transporation relay (where a group of individuals assist along the way in getting the bird to it's final destination).

c) Air. The only airline that I would recommend (because it's the only one I have experience with) is Continental. They have pressurized, climate control baggage/cargo area, so temperature is never an issue. I have only been on the receiving end however and obviously would recommend a complete health check before considering. The cost is about $150 (per bird).

Tammy please don't feel humiliated, this is all your boyfriends doings and not yours. By asking for help you are doing the honorable thing, there is NO shame in that.

EM, Illinois and Key West are a long way apart. I definitely don't have time to drive and really couldn't afford a vet exam and air fare. That leaves a transportation relay. Could this be done through this board and how do I go about it?

I would be happy to foster the RB2...that is really my only experience as far as too's. Scarlett may like some company while I work a couple hours a day. If I can help let me know!

HI TLL & Sam,
I'm sorry your are going through such a rough time and on top of this there is economic crisis.
It is a pity I live in Italy( if things were not so complicated as they are now I would have offered to take one or two nd paid fro the air-line expenses but it is easier to oragnise a bank robbery!!) because I could have helped you, I wouldn't have had problems in keeping the birds. I hope that with the help of the other members living in the US you can find a solution for your pets and then move to your sister and try to relax and collect your ideas and get back into the battle field.
We all have ups and downs - after the thunderstorm the sun shines agian lets hope that in the near future things get better for you

Hi,
I'm in Delaware and can fit one or 2 more now that I have started the bird room but I drive a 1983 toyota so transporting more than 1 and 1 cage that breaks down may be tough depending on the cage size (my seats do fold) but I am willing to help either with a transport relay or adopting for good or foster a large bird(s) if any are bonded. Also the Dane. I have a chow mix & terrier mix both females. If the dane is social and a female maybe I could help with that. I don't know what a lnr is but I will go as small as a teil. Also I would be interested in vet history like does the dane have shots?
Sorry to fire off questions I know the whirl wind that goes with this type of situation. My prayers are with you. Deep breaths and a moment at a time- sometimes a day is just to much. I applaude you for seperating yourself & daughter. Emotional & verbal abuse scars are much deeper and tougher to get past than most physical abuse. Let me know what I can do. Deb

Unless you have more than one hundred posts and have been a member for over a year, please don't respond with offers of help. It is nothing personal. This is the internet.

Sorry Guess I shouldn't speed read the rules. And I do understand it is the internet that's why I don't join groups with very few exceptions. Be Blessed. Deb

Oops! After thinking about it, I do understand the reasons for this rule.

Yes, think about it. Would you want someone with a one week VERBAL history picking up your bird and taking off? This is in no way a slam to anyone. This is the internet and things are often not what they seem. Mytoos will not participate in any activity with people we don't know. So, some people will be insulted and take off, no big deal. The alternative is to support the site and maybe be able to help someone down the line. Simple as that. If that offends anyone, tough!

This is a very complex problem with these particular birds. If enough mature members could form a plan, I would try to link them up to communicate but the chances of that are slim, life being what it is.

Charlie, since some long-term members have offered to foster, how about we try and see if we can set up a transportation chain to get the birds to the foster homes?

Since I am in Canada, I'm not much help but I'll gladly put in some gas money if it is needed.

Bev