Who's Online Now
1 registered members (RB2sMom), 12 guests, and 2 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Search

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#198126 - 04/09/09 04:35 PM Single Parenting of a 'Too  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Nomokis Offline
Member
Nomokis  Offline
Member

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Ohio
My husband and I have been having a lot of trouble, mainly with him constantly lying and being adulterous. We are going to start going to counseling together, but chances are I will become a single ďparentĒ here soon. I just need your support in this time, because Iím so scared that Bella will become depressed and lonely. She loves Brandon so much. He is a college student, so he has time between classes to come home and play with her, unlike me. If he and I split, she will be stuck in her cage from 8:15 to 5:15 Monday through Friday. That just isnít fair!

What do you other single moms/dads do? How do you keep your birdy-babies happy while you are at work all day? I will do anything for herÖ she is the only thing that keeps me going right now. God gave her to me so that we could both help each other, I think. ButÖ I donít want to make her sad in any way. I want to provide the best life possible for her.

One of my girl friends has offered to move in with me if he leaves. Iím hoping that maybe she could learn to get Bella out of the cage for at least an hour a day while Iím at work. But I still donít know if thatís enough. Sigh.

Please be praying for my family during this rough time.

#198128 - 04/09/09 05:27 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Nomokis]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 230
ILuvMyBE2 Offline
Member
ILuvMyBE2  Offline
Member

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 230
Georgia
Nokomis, I know this is a difficult time for you. I am not a single parent of a too, but my husband does not get along with mine. I currently work parttime and anticipate going to work fulltime in the near future. When I took mine to the AV I discussed similar concerns with her. While every too is different, she felt Buttercup could do just fine. They need plenty to do in their cage during the day while you are away. There are many great threads on things people have done to entertain their toos while in their cages. I leave shreddables, chewing toys and such. I was also reading on foraging ideas that would keep BC active. I am probably going to start encouraging that so he will have something different to do. The Parrot Enrichment Activity books are wonderful for coming up with ideas to keep our birds busy.

Your willingness to look out for the needs of your bird and paying attention will be crucial during this time. Our birds are sensitive to what is going on around them. I know you can make it through this and I also know that your friends here will help you along the way.

((((((Nakomis)))))) Many hugs and prayers are coming your way.


Peggy
(Owned by 1 budgie, and formerly owned by a BE2)
#198131 - 04/09/09 05:33 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ILuvMyBE2]  
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
ZazuSally Offline
Lives Here
ZazuSally  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
Ontario, Canada
Nomokis:

I leave my apartment at 6:45 am and do not get home until 6 pm. The only thing I would suggest is another bird. Same species. Then they are company for each other. They don't even have to like each other. None of my birds like each other but Gypsy and Sally speak "grey" to each other and Nikki and Zazu speak "cockatoo". Birds are flock animals.

When I had radiation, it was pretty rough, but my birds made it through just fine. They seemed to sense things were off but ambient attention got them through. Their attention got me through.

Just make sure there are lots of things for Bella to do in her cage as Peggy suggested.


Bev


Owner: DebRan Bird Toys
#198133 - 04/09/09 05:45 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ZazuSally]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Nomokis Offline
Member
Nomokis  Offline
Member

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Ohio
Bev,

What is your birds' schedule like? Since they need around 12 hours of sleep per night, do you get to spend much time with them at all? I always spend an hour with Bella in the morning and at least two hours of straight interaction at night. But that just doesn't seem like enough if I'm the only person! Is it better for them to get less sleep and more human interaction? Or the other way around?

Honestly, getting another bird right now would be impossible. Getting another cage, etc. would be too expensive while going through a divorce. I will certainly look into it the future when I'm back on my feet, but right now I know I can't.

#198137 - 04/09/09 06:17 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Nomokis]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,140
EchosMom Offline
Moderator
EchosMom  Offline

Moderator
Chained to the Computer
*****

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,140
Florida, USA
I am very sorry to hear this and of course, I will be sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers.

I am a single parent, but I don't work outside the home so our situations are very different. But a quote from Dr. Phil comes to mind..."It is better to be from a broken home than to live in a broken home.Ē Since our 'Toos are so sensitive and perceptive, I believe that it applies.

We will all be here for you!


Birds are angels who lift us up when our own wings forget how to fly.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has!" ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~

Noelle, A Rehabilitation in Progress
#198138 - 04/09/09 06:47 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: EchosMom]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 46
rhondarenee Offline
Member
rhondarenee  Offline
Member

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 46
Houston, TX
Well I am not a completely single parent.. but oddly enough.. I am dating my neighbor.. the birds live at my house. He,(boyfriend) lives at both..lol. We both work full time. He is a very early morning person.. and lets them out a few min in the mornings while he feeds up all the other animals, if they are awake.. if not they dont come out till lunch.. It might be only for 10- 15 min but they still seem to enjoy it. I do all the feeding for the birds. The Too prefers me and the Grey him. I come home at lunch and let them out, its not long either.. 30-40 min tops.. but we talk and eat treats..make sure everyone has something to do or play with.. then home again in the evenings. With my son playing baseball, Sometimes we are not home till 7 but once we are, its out again till bed time. I leave the cage doors open and many times they go in and out.. (my Grey tends to go in more) even when givin the option. We dont have any real set schedule.. In some ways I wish we did, but I would hate for them to get "set" to something and then, if it gets out of whack them get all stressed. Bed time is the same most nights.

My birds are very young, but seem very happy. I do have other inside animals that they talk too. Somedays I leave a radio on, or play a CD i made for them, somedays its the TV..

I think you and Bella will be fine!! Best of luck with everything!! Sending positive thoughts your way.

Last edited by rhondarenee; 04/09/09 06:58 PM.

Rhonda
Dusty & Casper's Mom
#198141 - 04/09/09 07:21 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: EchosMom]  
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
ZazuSally Offline
Lives Here
ZazuSally  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
Ontario, Canada
Get out of town!!!! LOL My birds are lucky if they get me for 5 minutes in the morning. I get them up at 6:30 am and am out the door by 6:45 am. That's our schedule and it works well. I get home at 6 pm and we have supper, then they come into the bathroom while I have a bath. Then we play some and then we settle down to watch a bit of TV. Zazu on my chest, Sally on the arm of the chair, Nikki snuggled into my neck and Gypsy on the tower. She flies over occasionally to attack the hot water bottle. LOL At 8:30 pm, they get their mash and organic grape juice. That is our nightly routine. We spend more time together on the weekend. Birds get used to whatever routine you get them used to. They are a part of my life so I include them in as many things as I can. Sometimes we have short training sessions but I'm not very disciplined on that but my birds are excellent even when they are "hormonal". LOL

My birds go to bed at 9 pm on Monday to Thursday. On the weekend, we party and they stay up until 11 pm and I get them out of their sleeping room at 10 am or sometimes even 11 am. During the week, I get them up at 6:30 am so they get less sleep but they are fine. Changes happen in our lives. It's how we deal with them that will dictate how our birds handle the change. You set them up to succeed. It's not good having your life too rigid.

Bev


Owner: DebRan Bird Toys
#198145 - 04/09/09 07:51 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ZazuSally]  
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 744
Belongs2Sammy Offline
Lives Here
Belongs2Sammy  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 744
Thought I'd chime on on this. I wouldn't be so quick to discount getting a second bird. I am a single bird mom and I have Sammy (M2), Okra (Nanday Conure), and Pretty Girl/Keetie (budgie). They do not like each other but they do provide company as Bev mentioned. I am gone from 7:30-5:30 during the weekdays and I truly believe that just having some kind of "flock" keeps them all relatively sane.

A decent budgie cage can be bought cheaply over the internet, and toys/accessories are generally cheaper. Unforunately due to the disposable bird mentality I'm sure you wouldn't have any trouble finding one to adopt.

As for our routine, alot like Bev, our morning routine is mostly just getting them up and swapping out food and water bowls and a quick snuggle through the cage for Sammy. I explain to them every morning that I am going to work and that I will be back later. When I get home I do another swap of food/water bowls, then let Sammy out for about a half hour of snuggling/visiting. I then will go do some human chores. Sometimes Sammy will join me (I leave it up to him) and sometimes he stays on his cage and plays. I put them to bed between 8-8:30. And of course on the weekends we spend more time together.

Being a single bird mom is totally doable, it's a bit of a cramp on social life (lol), but definintely doable.

I am praying that you can exit that relationship with as minimal headache as necessary and get on with your single happy bird mom life.

Edit: EM, totally curious, what line of work are you in that allows you to work from home?

Last edited by Belongs2Sammy; 04/09/09 07:54 PM.
#198146 - 04/09/09 07:54 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ZazuSally]  
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,310
Donnalee Offline
Lives Here
Donnalee  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,310
Saskatchewan, Canada
Maybe you could get a budgie or a cockatiel from a rescue. I think just having another little body chirping in the house would do a world of good for Bella.

Good luck with everything. I've been through a divorce and it is not fun but I will promise you that it is much better than being with the wrong person. *Big HUG from me*


Donna
Free as a bird???
#198147 - 04/09/09 07:59 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ZazuSally]  
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 224
Walter Offline
Member
Walter  Offline
Member

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 224
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I got Rocco about a year after my marriage broke up. I wanted companionship, but never another human under the same roof with me again.

I work from 9-5, but it only takes me about a half hour to get to work. Rocco gets me from about 6:30 am to 8:15, and from 5:30 PM until he wants to sleep - usually between 8-9 PM. He lets me know when he wants to sleep.

On weekends he has me all to himself, so he's going to love this weekend. (I get a 4 day long weekend for Easter).

He's not in his cage all day. The cage is only closed at night. The living room is Rocco's domain and he's free to chew on whatever he pleases. I have toys on the couch for him. Whatever he destroys I can fix. The entertainment center is in a closet with an outlet, so he can't chew on any live wires. The radio is on for him during the day.

#198148 - 04/09/09 08:00 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Donnalee]  
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,528
MissYumYum Offline
Lives Here
MissYumYum  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,528
Dallas, Texas
Oh Krista, I am sooo sorry you are having to go through this!! Don't worry about Bella - she is young and like Bev said, she will adapt to whatever routine you set up for her. I have a cute, peppy little budgie at my house that keeps Isabella company when I am away - although I do not work out of the home, I am gone for chunks of time most days. I think having another avian in the house is comforting no matter the species. I'm sure you can find a needy little budgie that could use a good home. And in the meantime, stocking Bella's wonderful new cage with lots of goodies to keep her occupied is terrific.

We are all here for you and wish you all the best!

(((Krista)))

Annette


The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step - Old Chinese Proverb
#198150 - 04/09/09 08:11 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Donnalee]  
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
ZazuSally Offline
Lives Here
ZazuSally  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,414
Ontario, Canada
I don't think a small bird will cut it. When I had my kakariki, the other birds never gave him the time of day. It was like he was a non-entity. Not that he cared.

I'll be the first to say though that it may be different in other situations. I just know from my situation. I loved that kakariki though. He was 9 when I got him and he died 2 & 1/2 years later. He had the neatest chatter and was an escape artist.


Bev


Owner: DebRan Bird Toys
#198156 - 04/09/09 10:12 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ZazuSally]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Nomokis Offline
Member
Nomokis  Offline
Member

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Ohio
I'm going to do a lot of praying about this. I would love to save another 'too that is in a bad situation, but I just don't know if I could in my current situation. Oh, life. It can be so cruel. I really don't want to leave Brandon, but I don't see enough drive in him to change. And I personally can't put up with being the wife whose husband is always running around on her. I need trust in my relationship. I have none.

After hearing from some of you guys, I really think Bella and I will do fine on our own. I just pray that she isn't heart broken without him. And I also hope that she adjusts to having less that 12 hours of sleep.

#198161 - 04/10/09 12:12 AM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Belongs2Sammy]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,140
EchosMom Offline
Moderator
EchosMom  Offline

Moderator
Chained to the Computer
*****

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,140
Florida, USA
Originally Posted By: Belongs2Sammy
EM, totally curious, what line of work are you in that allows you to work from home?


I'm in the mortgage industry and have worked for the same employer for about 10 yrs now. I use to underwrite full-time (from home), but I decided to go into semi-retirement and couple of years ago. Now I do consulting work (same employer) on a fee basis for special projects - primarily quality assurance monitoring. It's a tough world out there right now, though.


Birds are angels who lift us up when our own wings forget how to fly.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has!" ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~

Noelle, A Rehabilitation in Progress
#198393 - 04/13/09 03:15 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: EchosMom]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Nomokis Offline
Member
Nomokis  Offline
Member

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Ohio
My husband went to our first counseling session the other day. It went surprisingly well. Usually heíd be totally opposed to that sort of thing, but he really seemed eager to work on saving us. Maybe itís because he knows that if I kick him out, I get to keep Bella and he wonít. He loves her alot, which is another reason Iím reluctant to throw in the towel. SoÖ Iíll keep you guys posted. If I really believe he is trying to change, things might end up better than I first foresaw.

#198404 - 04/13/09 05:07 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Nomokis]  
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 230
ILuvMyBE2 Offline
Member
ILuvMyBE2  Offline
Member

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 230
Georgia
I will be praying for you and hubby, as well as the flock. I hope he will want to keep you too!


Peggy
(Owned by 1 budgie, and formerly owned by a BE2)
#198420 - 04/13/09 07:54 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: ILuvMyBE2]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 688
Cleo's Mom Offline
Lives Here
Cleo's Mom  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 688
Key West, Florida
Counseling can work if the person is willing and anxious to change. I'll keep my fingers crossed.


Pat

One Day At A Time
#198429 - 04/13/09 09:36 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Cleo's Mom]  
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,568
Ladyhutch Offline
Lives Here
Ladyhutch  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,568
Oregon
I hope things work out for you and hubby. Will say a prayer for you all.
Sharon


You have two choices: accept things the way they are, or have courage to change them. J Kanani


#198450 - 04/14/09 12:57 AM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Ladyhutch]  
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,310
Donnalee Offline
Lives Here
Donnalee  Offline
Lives Here

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,310
Saskatchewan, Canada
That is a good sign that hubby is willing to go to counseling. Just take it one step at a time and take care of yourself. Everything will work out for the best. : )


Donna
Free as a bird???
#201830 - 06/05/09 09:44 PM Re: Single Parenting of a 'Too [Re: Donnalee]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Nomokis Offline
Member
Nomokis  Offline
Member

Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 346
Ohio
Sorry I haven't been on much, guys. I've been busy.

Quick update: Brandon left me. He is too interested in himself to help support a family. Bella and I have been on our own for two months now and we are both adjusting rather well, all things considered. I get her up at 7:30, spoon feed her and spend 45 minutes with her, then leave for work. I get back around 5:15 and we eat dinner together. After that we usually take a 30 minute walk, then come home and have a ďdance partyĒ. smile Around 7:15 we start calming down and by 7:45 she is falling asleep and ready to go to bed. I know it is sad that we only have a good 3 hours of play time together each day, but she is doing SO well! Iím amazed at how understanding she is.

I make sure to leave music on while Iím at work and supply lots of fun new toys/snacks. smile She generally seems just as happy as when Brandon was home, so Iím very pleased. Any more ideas to keep her a happy baby while mommaís away?

Thank you guys for all your support. I hope Bella and I continue to have a wonderful life together, forever. smile With or without men. Lol!!

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  BE2Cassie, Beeps, EchosMom, Janny 

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0
Page Time: 0.073s Queries: 15 (0.042s) Memory: 5.1575 MB (Peak: 5.5828 MB) Zlib enabled. Server Time: 2018-09-18 19:01:21 UTC