Mytoos

My buddy doesnt like me any more

Posted By: jjoos99

My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/21/17 03:10 AM

I have had my umbrella for 25 years. Over the last several years he has turned away from me to the point of biting if I give him the chance but he loves my step daughter. He will climb and cuddle up to her but will not even step up for me and if I try to pet on him he will turn as if to want to bite me. Tonight she had him out and as usual he was loving all over her, then got down on the floor and started coming after me. I tried to pick him up and he tried to bite me, step daughter was able to then pick him up without any issue. I am frustrated to the point of possibly rehoming him. Any suggestions as to what I can do?
thanks
Jeff
Posted By: BE2Cassie

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/21/17 12:18 PM

It's common for toos to choose a special person. It would be great if you could hold back on interacting with him until your step daughter isn't home. Start at the beginning by offering him a favored treat, even if you just put it near him or in his dish. Move slowly with him and don't force the issue. After 25 years I would hope that your statement of rehoming is from frustration and not something that you would actually do to him. Be sure that your step daughter is not over stimulating him. Tell her to keep all petting to the head only. Everything below the neck is sexually stimulating to a cockatoo.
Posted By: jjoos99

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/21/17 01:35 PM

He is better with me when she isnt around. He is the best with me when I take him outside and he is out of his element and feels he needs me for protection, then he will cuddly and not try and bite. But bring him inside and its a whole different story. He is not aggressive with me but I just cant handle him much without being on a constant bite watch and I can forget having him step up on my hand. After having him so long its like a betrayal.
thanks
Jeff
Posted By: BE2Cassie

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/21/17 07:36 PM

Jeff you can't take their behavior personally. At some point your step daughter is going to grow up and move on.
Posted By: EchosMom

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/22/17 08:34 PM

I agree with Nancy, you shouldn't take this personally, ESPECIALLY after 25 years together. It sounds like your daughter is the chosen one for now but remember not to project human emotions onto him. He does not know what betrayal is so while you feel betrayed that is surely not his intention. Definitely sounds like he may be, or have already established a mate bond with her. If your bird known to be a male?
Posted By: jjoos99

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 07/23/17 02:34 AM

casper is a boy. I do think it is sexual with my step daughter. At the rate my step daughter is going casper will be gone before her. she is 29, not working and still living off of my wife and I. I appreciate all the support.
Jeff
Posted By: Beeps

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 08/01/17 01:59 AM

When I was married, I lived for close to 5 years with a severe macaw that loved my (now) ex-husband and hated me. He did everything he could to drive me out of the house so he could have my ex to himself. I had to be constantly on bite watch as well. I know how exhausting it is. But because I was the one (along with my ex) to bring him into our house, I realized that it was up to me to make sure that he had as good of a captive life as we could give him.

I completely changed my expectations of what life with him would be. I stopped trying to have him step up on my arm because he was completely unpredictable. Instead, I stick trained him so I could still move him around. We played games through the cage. I'd put food on a long-handled spoon and give him treats. I knew where he was at all times and always kept a stick within reach, so if he started to bite I could pick him up and not get bit. But we could still have a decent (though different than I originally imagined) life together. We had dance parties and sang songs together. We had other little games, like fetch, that we'd play together.

As others have said, you can't take it personally. Try to figure out a way around this in order to still give him a good captive life.

Also, you mention cuddling a few times - not entirely sure what you mean by that, but that could be a huge part of the problem. By trying different things, I know you can find a solution that works for you and allows your bird to keep his home!
Posted By: jjoos99

Re: My buddy doesnt like me any more - 08/01/17 02:43 AM

Originally Posted by Beeps
When I was married, I lived for close to 5 years with a severe macaw that loved my (now) ex-husband and hated me. He did everything he could to drive me out of the house so he could have my ex to himself. I had to be constantly on bite watch as well. I know how exhausting it is. But because I was the one (along with my ex) to bring him into our house, I realized that it was up to me to make sure that he had as good of a captive life as we could give him.

I completely changed my expectations of what life with him would be. I stopped trying to have him step up on my arm because he was completely unpredictable. Instead, I stick trained him so I could still move him around. We played games through the cage. I'd put food on a long-handled spoon and give him treats. I knew where he was at all times and always kept a stick within reach, so if he started to bite I could pick him up and not get bit. But we could still have a decent (though different than I originally imagined) life together. We had dance parties and sang songs together. We had other little games, like fetch, that we'd play together.

As others have said, you can't take it personally. Try to figure out a way around this in order to still give him a good captive life.

Also, you mention cuddling a few times - not entirely sure what you mean by that, but that could be a huge part of the problem. By trying different things, I know you can find a solution that works for you and allows your bird to keep his home!

So what happened with the bird after your husband became an ex?
My bird isnt all that bad with me but is a women's bird. I had a couple over the other day and the wife was able to get him out of the cage and he was loving all over her. I just have to live with the fact that he wont be loving towards me as to a woman. When I say cuddle he will snuggle his head into your chest and sometime roll his head upside down. Has a way of melting your heart.
Jeff
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